I think the title this came with is pretty apropos. It is indeed my first blog post, well on this blog anyway (I do have another).
So what’s going on in my brain today……….. Let’s back up to last week. It was my birthday, and we all know what birthdays can do to a girl. About 8 months ago I had a depressive flair up, brought on by some PTSD from some childhood crap I hadn’t dealt with. Anyway, when it got to my birthday I decided that I just couldn’t do this anymore. 8 months is a long time to be stuck in your own head, take my word for it. All of a sudden last week I started to feel clear. For me clear is quiet and level (it’s almost unnerving). I’ve been plodding along with my school work like a good girl (yay me!). Slowly I’m starting to feel really myself (which is scary if you know me). I have spent most of m life shushing all of that. Well it’s getting to the point that I don’t want to anymore. It’s getting harder and harder. I’ve been my husband’s wife, and my kids’ mother so long I don’t remember anything else. This is what needs to change.
There is this little tv show called, Sherlock (not sure if you’ve heard of it). There is this LOVELY character called Molly Hooper (played by the marvelous Louise Brealey). Molly is my spirit animal (I keep saying it, but it’s true). Her love for Sherlock is like a metaphor for my entire life. Having what you want right in front of your face but it never being attainable, to the point that it hurts. This pertains to boys and life in general. Seeing her struggle is heartbreaking, I’ve felt my own heart break over and over for the same reasons. It is just such an honest portrayal of the plight of women, not just in love. So thanks to Molly Hooper I am going to stop being heart broken and work towards myself and the things that bring love to my life.