Stupid English

So I’m a college student. Yippie! Except not so much because I HATE school. Let me say that again, I HATE school. I have since I was about 12. Dropped out at 16 because I couldn’t be bothered. I still hate school. It’s not that I’m stupid, or lazy. I’m just not conventional.

Right now I’m taking my first 2 classes. How to be an effective college student (basically) and English comp 1. I’m complaining about this MF English class. This may seem weird to you, since here you are, reading my blog. I took a creative writing extracurricular in middle school. I’m always writing short stories, or ranting to fb, or whatever. Having to write in “form” is ridiculous. It’s not that I’m being rebellious. I really, honestly want to do well, I want to do the work. But it’s DUMB!

I’m feeling like struggling with this is speaking to me on so many levels. I’m different. I do not do things the way every one else does. I don’t want to have some office job. I would literally be bored to death. I don’t even know that I want a regular people job. I need freedom. I need creativity. I really, really want to travel. I want to be in charge. I need to not be bogged down and stifled. I don’t even know what that all means. I’ve been a mom for so long. And a wife. And a maid. And a cook. It’s just not fulfilling anymore, which is hard to admit. Being a mom isn’t what is getting me through the day anymore.

This is why I went back to school, to figure this all out. To be able to have something to do other than this mom stuff (that’s killing me) but it’s not helping. It’s making me feel stupid, and worse, and reminding me why I decided to stop going to school in the first place.

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